When Honesty is NOT the Best Policy
I’m the type of mom that lays awake at night with terrible thoughts running through my head. Worries about my kids, mostly – scenes of them falling down stairs, running in front of cars.
I know – too much coffee, I’m sure.
I’m also not the biggest fan of doctors. I found a group practice of four pediatricians when my first daughter was born, and over time I whittled down my list of doctors I like at the practice to ONE.
Then in November of last year that doctor decided to retire. And I actually cried, right there in the exam room, when she told me.
So, the practice got a new doctor to fill in for her, and I met her a couple of times, and she seemed okay. Not great, but okay. She is very brusque and short, but in a pinch, she would do. Let’s call her Dr. Sour Puss.
This past Thursday my middle daughter was sick. She wasn’t breathing well, and she has a history of pneumonia, allergies and I’m pretty sure she has asthma. So off to the doctor we went.
On Thursday she saw one of the nurse practitioners who said her lungs were so tight she couldn’t hear much. So they gave her a few nebulizer treatments, and tried to give her an oral steriod.
My daughter promptly threw it up. I tasted it and that stuff is simply vile – how do they expect any kid to take that??
Anyway, after 1 1/2 hours in the exam room (with my toddler in tow, mind you), I left with a prescription for more steriods (and a “good luck with that” attitude), and a follow-up visit for the following day.
The next day we saw Dr. Sour Puss. After another 1 1/2 hours in the exam room, she gave my daughter another nebulizer treatment, and then pronounced that she would need a chest x-ray because she heard “crackling” in her lungs. The x-ray was to determine if my daughter had pneumonia.
“If she does have pneumonia, we’ll have to run tests to determine why she keeps getting it.” Dr. Sour Puss stated.
“Well, what could be the possible causes? If she’s asthmatic, isn’t that enough reason?” I said.
“She’ll have to see a specialist, and they may want to test for Cystic Fibrosis,” she replied.
BAM.
She rambled on about how even though they test babies for CF there are rare strains that they don’t test for, blah, blah, blah.
Now, if you don’t know, Cystic Fibrosis is a debilitating, life threatening disease. Most patients live to an average age of 37. That’s it.
So here I am, in this closet of an exam room with my sick daughter and toddler son who’s trying to rearrange the furniture, and all I can think of is that my child might have Cystic Fibrosis??
We had a few hours before the chest x-ray, so I went home and proceeded to have a panic attack. I called my mother. I cried, and then I got a grip.
We went to the imaging place, had the x-ray done, and after having to find Dr. Sour Puss since she’d already left the office for the day, they told me that is was NOT pneumonia, it was just bronchitis, treatable with antibiotics.
I’ve never been so happy to hear the word bronchitis in my life! But it made me so upset – why would this woman even mention CF to me? Why couldn’t she have said, “Let’s just wait and see what the x-ray shows.”
I’m all for honesty, but where’s the compassion? Where’s the restraint that I would assume doctors are taught to have? Especially a pediatrician, who should be aware that moms (especially moms like me) only hear the bad stuff?
Well, you can bet I just crossed Dr. Sour Puss off my list.
What do you think? Would you rather know all the horrible outcomes beforehand? Do you think she was just answering my question, or should she have used restraint when answering me?
I've got 3 kids (under 7) & I run my own business from home. Yep, I'm busy! I'm sharing my lessons learned & fun finds that will make YOUR busy life easier.
Sarah @ Sarah in the Suburbs
Twitter: SarahintheBurbs
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September 18th, 2012 at 11:19 AM
Oh. My. Gosh. I would be finding a new practice if I was you. I worry constantly that something is going to be wrong with my girls since they were 8 weeks early. I totally agree with you that doctors, but ESPECIALLY pediatricians, should have a better bedside manner than they do today. It’s totally unnecessary to rile someone up with doom and gloom “maybes” if they are just maybes. I hope you can find a ped that has a little more compassion and tempered honesty for your next visit!
julieann r:
September 18th, 2012 at 11:27 AM
Um, yeah….that’s hardly necessary at that point to scare a parent (or anyone else) into that kind of diagnosis. Honesty is one thing, throwing out all the imaginable possibilities recklessly is quite another. That kind of thing shouldn’t be discussed until it really looks like there’s evidence of it. Sorry you had to go through that.
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Sofia
Twitter: frompdxwithlove
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September 18th, 2012 at 12:58 PM
First off, I am glad your daughter only has bronchitis and I hope she feels better soon!! I hate doctors, they are, at the least, so darn annoying! We simply stopped going to my boys’ pediatrician ’cause she was so rude and snobbish, always talking down on us, as if we didn’t know what the heck we were doing. I seriously wanted to slap her. I’ve lost faith in most doctors, for me they are more into what they can get out of their practice ($$) than to actually helping their patients. I know there are still good doctors/people out there, I just haven’t found them yet.
Hope your little girl gets better soon!
Sofia recently posted..How do you do it?
Susan Bewley
Twitter: BudgetEarth
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September 18th, 2012 at 1:24 PM
This is why I dislike doctors! I would find a new pediatrician ASAP!
Susan Bewley recently posted..Ginsu Sofuto Knives Review
Natasha:
September 19th, 2012 at 1:42 PM
GAH! It is like some of them get some sick enjoyment out of worrying mothers to death. I was told last April that my son “May have Aspbergers” but that they wouldnt be able to tell for at least a year…..so why tell me….why worry me?…I just dont get it.
Natasha recently posted..The Puzzling Puzzle of Kids Puzzles – Geeking (with kids)
Flora
Twitter: FloraFoster2
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September 19th, 2012 at 4:46 PM
A condescending attitude is what I dislike most about going to the doctor’s office. I would find a new pediatrician.
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Jennifer
Twitter: katies_charms
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September 19th, 2012 at 9:59 PM
I know! I’m not asking that they lie to me – just to use a little judgement before speaking.
Jennifer
Twitter: katies_charms
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September 19th, 2012 at 10:00 PM
Thanks for your comment. “Reckless” is exactly the right word!
Jennifer
Twitter: katies_charms
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September 19th, 2012 at 10:01 PM
I feel the same as you, Sofia. I don’t know why they’re like that – maybe they’re just seeing too many patients, so they’ve lost their compassion?? I don’t know, but it’s sad and a little scary at the same time.
Jennifer
Twitter: katies_charms
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September 19th, 2012 at 10:02 PM
I’m going to try!
Jennifer
Twitter: katies_charms
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September 19th, 2012 at 10:03 PM
Oh man, Natasha – I’m sorry. How do they expect you to be “okay” with having to wait a whole year to find out??? That’s just crazy. I’m sorry you have to go through that, and I hope your son is okay!
Jennifer
Twitter: katies_charms
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September 19th, 2012 at 10:05 PM
I’m going to try. Thanks for your comment!
Marie:
September 20th, 2012 at 3:19 AM
You have to remember that they’re trained to not get too attached with patients and all…they get disheartened when a patient say, die too or so I believe…imagine the little heartbreaks they get.
But yeah I hate such attitude too so better with a friendly pediatrician…If only we mothers could be doctors too I’d bet we don’t need them…
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Jennifer
Twitter: katies_charms
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September 22nd, 2012 at 3:19 PM
I know, but there has to be a happy medium, especially with pediatricians…they can’t be so callous as to not know how their words might affect their patients.
another jennifer
Twitter: anotherjenb
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September 23rd, 2012 at 2:03 PM
I agree with you. I appreciate honesty, but she shouldn’t have gone there just yet. No need to give mom a panic attack! I’m curious if this doctor has kids. I mean, if she’s a mom, wouldn’t she know better?
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Jennifer
Twitter: katies_charms
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September 23rd, 2012 at 9:09 PM
I wondered that too – I’m getting the feeling that maybe she doesn’t, but I will have to ask next time (if there’s a next time).
Christina Kelbel:
December 15th, 2012 at 6:21 PM
OMG, that’s horrible! I would have been a little annoyed myself but than I am very far from a worrier. If anything I am told I don’t worry enough. I can understand your being upset though. Good luck with finding another pedi.
ANN*H:
December 26th, 2012 at 10:16 PM
What a crappy pediatrician, surely not one to care for little ones in my opinion. I would change to another doctor as soon as possible. Moms worry enough so as it is that they dont need to hear things that MAY go wrong when they dont even know what actually is the problem. Lots of doctors dont listen to what the patient tells them. Dont let them quiet you down. Speak up .